Nine Days of Survival || Day Two
Right Now, Everything is Ok
Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things.
In those four months between diagnosis day and delivery with both Evie and Charlie, I was plagued with questions. More than questions, really. I was plagued with the details of what this journey was going to look like, feel like, and how it would play out in the end. I wondered where Josh would be and if he would be able to make it to the hospital. I wondered what it would be like to deliver a baby knowing the baby would die. I wondered what it would be like to hold that baby in my arms and watch the life slowly leave their tiny bodies. On and on went the questions, like a sad song on repeat that I couldn’t get out of my head.
When my thoughts would turn into this sort of runaway train, derailed and headed on a path of anxiety-driven destruction, I would have to stop myself. I knew there would be no surviving that massive wreck.
Instead I had to make a conscious effort to bring myself back to the present. Like, the very present moment where I was right then. I would feel the baby kicking around inside of me and think to myself, Sarah everything is ok right now. In the very immediate future, you have nothing to worry about.
Certainly I knew what was to come. I knew full well that all of those questions and details in my mind would soon become a brutal reality that I had to face, but until then my job was to leave those tomorrow worries for tomorrow and bring my mind back to today. The very words I would use were these: This day. What can I focus on this day? What do I actually have power to control this day?
As Corrie Ten Boom has said, “Worrying is carrying tomorrow's load with today's strength- carrying two days at once. It is moving into tomorrow ahead of time. Worrying doesn't empty tomorrow of its sorrow, it empties today of its strength.” My prayer is that we will all be so aware of what God is asking us today and realize there is no fruit in worrying about tomorrow.
Father God help us to remember that you only give us grace and strength to carry our load for that one day. Help us to remember that you never provide grace or strength to fret over our current situation. Bring us back to the present and help us to see what you have for us this day, in this moment. Help us to trust you with our futures. In Your Name, Amen.
Nine Days of Survival Series:
Day One || The Next Right Thing