A Hard Reset

Dear internet friends,

I am writing these words just moments before Singapore moves into Phase 2 of the lifting of the Circuit Breaker measures introduced due to the Covid-19 pandemic. It is a milestone but not a celebration, for life will not be the same again for many of us. Even as human society battles this pandemic, we also find ourselves in a fight against societal ills like racism, inequality, and misogyny. Additionally for me, the world that I live in today also looks vastly different due to the recent passing of my wife. Undoubtedly, we are all coming out on the other side of this chapter as vastly different people.

I have been writing privately in my journals and also publicly on my blog as a way of processing my grief -- what that first week feels like, the jumble of emotions that ensued, and my attempt to tidy things up.  Writing has also been a way for me to update family and friends who were socially-distanced due to the travel restrictions, and it has also connected me to strangers who resonate with the journey that I am going through.

It has not been easy to write them but it is my small way of choosing to embrace my humanity. There is nothing more human than to love someone and lose them. Yet even in suffering, we humans are blessed with a great capacity for hope and beauty and I seek to tap into that. But most of all, I am embracing the audacity to choose love and joy in the face of hardship. So even as the world outside our windows appear bleak right now, I will do my best to keep my light shining, and I hope you find the courage to keep yours lit too. 

In every way I look at it, this is a hard reset of my life. The path forward is largely unchartered but one of the things that I hope to do in the future is write more and establish a certain regularity with my blog. I will continue to write about my front row human experience as a caregiver to an amazing cancer fighter, and at some point, start to write about my other interests as well.

I am also re-thinking this newsletter as a monthly affair, reserved for a very special group of people like yourselves who have chosen to support my work/words and stick with it despite its vagueness of focus, wordiness, and unpredictability. I suppose you can now think of this as a members-only newsletter with special access to some of my thoughts and experiments. I am also re-considering its title and format and I hope to have something when I write again in July.

I really appreciate all of you for reading my words, sharing it, and reaching out to me because of it. Till next time; be well, be love, be you.

- A


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