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"I remember the first time I had sex - I kept the receipt."
Groucho Marx
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Snowmageddon.

Chicago (the Broadway musical, not the city).

Celebrity sighting (it was Dame Helen Mirren, and we made eye contact as she crossed Dyer at W42nd St – she smiled regally, as if to say: “Yes, I am she”).

Yelling at a driver on the crosswalk (“I’m walking here!)

That time I went to see a friend’s comedy show and Jerry Seinfeld played a surprise set at the end.

Getting on a subway train going in the wrong direction (Goddammit!!!).

Seeing a rat on the subway.

Being verbally attacked on the subway.

Getting soaked in a summer storm and standing naked in the bathroom trying to dry my clothes under the hand dryer.

Kissing a gay man.

A “joy” tattoo on my right wrist.

These are just some of my New York firsts. To which I will add another: I popped my Trader Joe’s cherry last weekend. I know, I know – how can this even be possible, right? It’s like admitting to being a 40-year-old virgin (would you believe me? Would you?).

The anticipation was high, and I woke up early, like Christmas morning. Twitchy. Itching to get going.

I’d love to tell you the earth moved. That I collapsed in the car in ecstasy, panting, spent. But, like most firsts, it fell short of expectations. Not that it was bad. Not at all. It was good. I mean, who can’t get with a $3 tub of hummus and that tasty pepita dip that’s like crack in a jar?

Maybe I just need a little practice …
BEST LIFE CALENDAR

TONIGHT
What Saves Us

Marking the publication of an anthology of Poems of Empathy and Outrage in the Age of Trump, some of the most powerful contemporary voices in American come together for an evening of readings at Lincoln Center. It’s free! Find out more.

Teen takeover at The Met
Free activities – including art making, performances, and music – for anyone with a middle or high school ID. Find out more.

TOMORROW
Enter the Sweeteasy
It’s another one of those fully immersive experience, but this one comes with added chocolate and is created by Kinder Bueno (if you can even get tickets). Find out more.

SUNDAY
White Light Festival

Lincoln Center’s White Light Festival is in full swing, and a production of Richard III by Ireland’s Druid Theatre is one of the highlights. Find out more.

MONDAY
A jolly Broadway Broadway
The casts of Waitress, Chicago, Oklahoma!, and The Lightning Thief sing under the stars at The Shops at Columbus Circle, as the start of a five-week series of free public performances. Find out more.

TUESDAY
Life is Amazing
Abby Feldman comes to the Slipper Room with an hour of stand up and songs about meditation, Latin men, and potato chips (as seen in W42ST). I’ll be there. Come and laugh with me. Find out more.

Jeff Goldblum
Oh dear. I’m not best pleased with my favorite guy crush. But let’s see if he addresses his recent support of Woody Allen (seriously, Jeff!)  in this evening of jazz, chat, and trivia. Find out more.

WEDNESDAY
Cider Week
Our lovely friends at East Hollow Cider will be co-hosting an event at As Is, on 10th Ave - 50th St. There will be 10 ciders on tap and some special bottles. Yes, it’ll be an education. But, really, it's just a big party. It all kicks of at 7pm

George Lucas and the Space Shuttle
The Upright Citizens Brigade’s George Lucas Talk Show moves to the Intrepid for a very special night of comedy and spooky coincidence. Could the Star Wars universe really exist? Find out more.

Singo 
It’s bingo, but with songs. Come and play with Team W42ST at Scruffy Duffy’s – everyone’s welcome. It’s free. It’s fun. You don’t have to sing (but you might not be able to help yourself). Find out more.

THURSDAY
Farmers market
A chance to pick up fresh fruit, veggies, pickles, and more at Bella Abzug Park. Find out more.

Colin Dunne
The Irish dancer reimagines the iconic 1972 album The Liffey Banks, armed with just an LP, a tape recorder, portable speakers, and sheets of flooring. See what emerges at the Baryshnikov Arts Center. Find out more.

Dance party
Timothy Kasten’s TKO band get the weekend started early at The Row NYC, with hits from Earth, Wind & Fire, Tina Turner, Prince, and The Temptations. Find out more.

Fashion for Action
Housing Works’ annual fashion fundraiser is the ultimate thrift shopping experience. Hosted by Patricia Field, the event is chaired by (among others) Billy Porter, Iman, and Anna Sui. Find out more.

 

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