What a thrill to be back in your inboxes! The response to the first issue was overwhelming. This is going to be fun. We have some great pieces for you this month and look forward to delivering more original content around. Please forward this to anyone you know that may love movies or have a particular affinity for clumsy humor. Both are in are target demographic. Enjoy Issue #2!
A Totally Contrived, Fictionalized, and Made-Up Interview with Zack Snyder
I meet Mr. Snyder at an undisclosed swanky LA eatery, an establishment he frequents for brunch/hangover recovery. It is 11:30 am and I can see the bags under his eyes in spite of the $800 sunglasses (he keeps the price sticker on the left side of the glasses). He is in good spirits, though he speaks with the speed of a man who is forcing his brain to conjure each and every word through a haze of Jagermeister and vapor smoke. He apologizes profusely for his late arrival (30 minutes is nothing in this business, I assure him) then quickly responds to a text from his good buddy, Doug Ellin. Our food arrives promptly (ricotta omelet and coffee for me, branzino and three Mega Monster Energy drinks for him) and with a smirk and a crack of the knuckles, he indicates that he is ready for our interview to begin.
Let’s just get right down to it. Is that cool?
Yeah, bruh, let’s do this.
The reception for Batman V Superman wasn’t exactly positive.
Well the entire concept of positive and negative is really kind of lost on me. A movie a made a few years back, and this was a freaking sick movie, was called Sucker Punch. Just, awesome babes—actually, funny story, I cast Emily Browning because I thought she was that Orbitz chick. I always had a thing for that Orbitz chick. Anyway, this movie, it was after this super lame Owl movie the studio made me adapt from a dumb kids book, so I decide I need to get back to my artistic center so I make this just balls out Sucker Punch flick and the movie just straight up rules. So like 3 years later I’m on Rotten Tomatoes and I see that Sucker Punch is at 26% and I’m like “I KNOW this movie is awesome, this is weird.” So I call Rotten Tomatoes and they explain their algorithm to me and it’s just like super confusing or whatever so I just hang up midway and I’m like, what is really even the point of these reviews? Like Batman V Superman is like 28% on Rotten Tomatoes. You know who else was number 28? Marshall Faulk, and that guy was sick. He was equal parts a threat in the run and pass game. Critics just don’t understand the stories I’m trying to tell and the scale through which I’m telling those stories.
But, in fairness, the movie didn’t score much better with general audiences, either.
But what does the word “general” even mean? It’s like General Robert E. Lee is a huge hero of mine. Great tactician, leader, thinker, but that bro totally fought on the side of slavery—which, I want to get this across in your piece bro, I’m totally anti-slavery. Wayne Brady is a close, personal friend of mine. Anyway , you could say that General Lee was generally a good general, but you’re going to have your qualms with him. People can say the same about my movies. I’ll totally own up to that.
I’m not entirely sure how to respond to that, but how would you respond to the viewers (not critics, I mean the average moviegoer) who disliked the film?
It’s maybe just not made for you, that’s all I’d say. Not every movie is for everyone or whatever.
Just before BvS debuted, there was a great deal of talk surrounding a supposed R-rated director’s cut. During production, did you feel like you were making the movie you wanted to make? And if so, do you think your movie would’ve been better received?
Look, I don’t like to get caught up too much in ratings. I think it’s archaic, arbitrary, and silly in the age of the internet. Kids can see like, totally messed up stuff with the push of a button, so why do demand all super hero movies be PG 13? Right? It just seems dumb to me. Obviously I would have liked more piss-jar in the flick, but in a studio setting, you have to give up somethings. It sucks, but overall, yeah the movie is pretty dope.
One of the bigger issues fanboys had with the film is the character design for Batman. He seemed less like the Caped Crusader and more like a masochistic serial killer. In hindsight, would you pull back a bit from that or is that the Batman you prefer?
I think if he was like 10% more jacked—and I talked to Ben about this—I think if he’s just more jacked, like super, super cut but still with a lot of body mass. Like, do you remember the wrester Scott Steiner?
Well you should Google him, he was definitely what I wanted Ben to look like. I think if he was just super cut then people would understand and overlook some of the short comings. Scheduling-wise, we just couldn’t get Ben that jacked in time. That one is totally on me. I’ll own that.
In the wake of BvS’s truncated box office run, there has been some reshuffling at Warner Brothers and DC. Where does that leave you?
It leaves me as a super good looking rich guy in a great town making movies I want to make.
Got it. Let’s talk about Lex Luthor. What…what were you thinking?
Have you seen Now You See Me? I needed a brain like that in my movie. I like the concept of Jesse being totally in control of that movie. He’s totally a master of his magic craft, and Lex has to be just as brilliant. I just love that movie, if that’s on TNT, I will seriously throw like 5 models out of my house and just sit and watch it.
Just to clarify, do you think Jesse Eisenberg is an actual wizard based on the movie Now You See Me?
Who am I to say really? You know? He's not like a Gandalf or anything, but he's not Otto Porter either! Right?!
Is it true that you required the entire cast to participate in Crossfit events in between shoots?
I wouldn’t say it was full on Crossfit because I’m not entirely certified, but it was a pretty intense work out. Another big hero of mine is Billy Blanks, the Tae Bo founder. I just want to have that vibe on my sets. Fitness and adherence to strict rules lead to a great set atmosphere and a sick finished product—not to mention being totally cut which models and regular chicks like.
It’s pretty clear that Ben Affleck is the most jacked Batman but who wins in an arm wrestling match: you or Christopher Nolan?
Ha. Chris is a close personal bro so I won’t so anything, but I think we both know! HAHAHA
::At this point Mr. Snyder laughs for two and a half minutes and takes a MASSIVE hit from his vape pen. I lose him in steam for another minute::
There you are, fantastic. Let's talk about Amy Adams. Amy is, by all accounts, a brilliant actress and a lovely person. How do you manage to make her so insufferable in your movies?
Well you can’t have Lois suffer too much, right? I mean, at the end of the day, that role—and all female roles—are essentially built to be damsels in distress. Except for my movie Sucker Punch which I mentioned earlier. In that movie the WOMEN are the heroes. Can you even imagine that!? Haha!! Seriously, I’ll get you a Blu Ray. But back to your question, we need to have Lois suffer, so she’s not totally insufferable but…
That’s not what that means, but let’s just move on. Can you confirm that you kicked Seth Grahame-Smith off of The Flash because his dead lift was “super weak”?
Totally untrue. And that actually pisses me off that this is spreading around. He’s not a huge guy, but his dead lift really wasn’t bad compared to his BMI. It was his Split Jerk and Snatch lifts that were seriously embarrassing. Can’t have a hero that doesn’t even have proper Split Jerk form.
I’ve heard you want to do a dramatic retelling of the American Revolution when you’re through with Justice League. Are there any other beloved characters, stories, or properties you’d like to ruin before Hollywood wises up and stops letting you make movies?
Well that rap version of Hamilton is pretty big so I thought it might be sick to do a James Madison biopic but set entirely to house music. Diplo is a friend of...Wait...Are you seriously coming at me bro? I was going to buy your breakfast. Seriously, I’ll make a great movie about myself tagging your sister! Armie Hammer is in talks to play me!
*Snyder lunges across the table, fist drawn*
Wait wait wait! Before you punch me, you should know: my sister’s name is Martha!
- RB and BG
10 Sequels Even More Unnecessary than Now You See Me 2: The Second Act
10. Jarhead Sequels
Remember Jarhead? That mildly-received 2005 desert storm flick from American Beauty and now Bond-helmer Sam Mendes? Well, it got a sequel. Not one of them…but TWO sequels. Yep. Jarhead is a trilogy. And Jarhead 2: Field of Fire didn’t even come out until 2014, nearly a decade after the original. Jarhead 3: The Siege came out this year, and apparently only in Germany, China, and Sweden. Yikes
9. Horrible Bosses 2 / Hot Tub Time Machine 2
I just now realized that these two are, in fact, different films. Which one is more unnecessary? The first Horrible Bosses was a mild romp. A few laughs here and there, but instantly forgettable one no one had thought about until the sequel was announced. And Hot Tub Time Machine 2 comes in without its star John Cusack (probably the only way they could get the rest of the cast to return...Rumor has it that he’s a real butt-munch.
8. Dumb & Dumberer: When Harry Met Lloyd
Speaking of sequels without their leads, this sequel (prequel?) to the comedic classic Dumb & Dumber came out without the involvement of stars Jim Carrey and Jeff Daniels. I guess the studio thought that a sequel to the 1994 hit would never happen, so lets just cash in while we still can, right? Cut to 2014…Dumb & Dumber To is released, making the prequel seem even more unnecessary. Both are horrible though. Don’t see them. They might ruin your childhood. Not kidding. Don’t do it.
7. Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo
“You know that horribly inappropriate and unfunny comedy starring that guy that no-one really likes and should probably never be the leading man in a comedy? How about we make a SEQUEL to that, but make it even more offensive and unfunny!” –former Sony exec who pitched this.
Roger Ebert’s review of European Gigolo sums it all up perfectly. “It’s aggressively bad, as if it wants to cause suffering to the audience.” You said it all, Rog...you said it all.
6. My Big Fat Greek Wedding 2
Surely this was only made because the first one was a surprise hit…FOURTEEN YEARS AGO. I can see it now…coming in 2029: Trainwreck 2, starring Amy Schumer! OK…the first one was, fine? But would anyone care fourteen years from now? The answer is no. There are four jokes in the trailer to MBFGW2 alluding to Greeks having a lot of body hair. Four body hair jokes in the trailer. I rest my case.
5. Home Alone Sequels
OK, so Home Alone 2: Lost in New York could be considered unnecessary, but it had charm, the original cast all returning, and of course the TalkBoy tape recorder. For some reason, they just kept making these. And the fourth one stars French Stewart. Keep getting them checks, French. And here’s an interesting fact. There’s a FIFTH Home Alone movie called The Holiday Heist that came out in 2012. It’s ARGUABLY better than the original. Arguably.
4. Ace Ventura: Pet Detective Jr.
Jim Carrey burst onto the comedic scene in the 1990s with his crazy outlandish character Ace Ventura. Well this sequel comes after the embarrassment that was When Nature Calls and follows Ace’s son’s hijinks. This probably came out in the height of Blockbuster mania and the studio was just hoping that the name recognition would sell some rentals here or there, right? Nope. 2009. FIFTEEN YEARS AFTER THE ORIGINAL. So…Saving Silverman 2 and Monkeybone 2 should be announced any day now.
3. Son of the Mask
This falls into the same category as our last “film” except now they have replaced Jim Carrey with Jamie Kennedy, who was the seventh lead in the Scream series and had a short-lived prank show on the WB. This one is almost so bad, its good. Its horrifically bad. It has a score of 2.2 on iMDB. By comparison…Baby Genuises and the Treasures of Egypt has a 4.3. Wow.
2. Jaws Sequels
Jaws was the first big summer movie. It re-defined how movies are made. It also set the trend for unnecessary sequels. Jaws 2 was universally panned as a cash-in and Jaws 3-D was a total gimmick. Surely they learned their lesson and quit making Jaws seq…NOPE. Jaws: The Revenge came and went, and made less than the $20 million cost of production. Spielberg must be so proud.
1. Now You See Me 3
It’s happening. And it’s literally the only movie more unnecessary than Now You See Me 2. Here’s hoping there’s a trilogy of prequels! How did J. Daniel Atlas meet Merrick? Why was Isla Fisher’s character so catty? Where does the carousel lead? SO MANY QUESTIONS!!!!
New to Home Viewing in June
IN HOME VIEWINGS JUNE
Each month in this space, we take a look at what movies and TV shows you’ll be able to (legally) watch in the comfort of your own home in the coming weeks. I recommend a couple of properties I enjoy, highlight one I haven’t seen but I’m looking forward to checking out, and something I desperately want you to avoid. I’m just doing my part to help you make smart decisions with your precious free time. Am I a hero? I’ll let you be the judge of that.
WHAT I’VE SEEN AND YOU SHOULD, TOO: Zootopia– Ginnifer Goodwin, Jason Bateman, Idris Elba (Available on Blu-Ray and DVD June 7th)
Probably the surprise of the year thus far, Zootopia gathered a ton of box office momentum and has stormed through the first half of the year. What looked like a B-team Disney property has now collected the third highest gross of any film this year. It’s also a really stinking good movie and one that should work for pretty much any audience. (Listen to our episode on Zootopia: http://madaboutmoviespodcast.com/episodes/2016/3/9/ovcs1ympkujbty25rru7eymnyczvgo)
MAY I ALSO RECOMMEND: Spotlight (2015) – Mark Ruffalo, Rachel McAdams, Michael Keaton (Available on Netflix June 22nd)
Spotlight made just under $90 million worldwide and won countless awards (including the Best Picture Oscar) so you might think it would go down in history as an unforgettable film. I’m afraid, however, that it didn’t have the cultural impact of some previous Oscar winners and that as the years go by, fewer and fewer people will bring it up when discussing great film, and that would be a shame. Few films in recent memory feature as many phenomenal performances as Spotlight does and fewer still are nearly as important. It’s a film you SHOULD see but in spite of its difficult subject matter, it’s also a film you should WANT to see. (Listen to our episode on Spotlight: http://madaboutmoviespodcast.com/episodes/2015/12/5/spotlight)
AND WHY NOT, MAY I ALSO RECOMMEND: Mr. Robot Season 1 (2015) – Rami Malek, Christian Slater, Portia Doubleday (Available on Amazon Prime June 13th)
I missed Mr. Robot during its summertime run last year and had to catch up on DVD (because I still buy DVDs, come fight me). I feel like I owe Mr. Malek, Mr. Slater, the USA network, and everyone else involved an apology because this show is tremendous. Mr. Robot handles shocking twists and turns as well as any show on TV and the performances are astounding. If, like me, you missed the TV run, be sure to binge Season 1 before Season 2 debuts on July 13th.
(SIDE NOTE: This is a particularly good month for in home viewings with a number of movies/TV shows I enjoy available for your consumption. Hail, Caesar!, Whiskey Tango Foxtrot, 10 Cloverfield Lane, The Odd Couple II, and the original Jurassic Park all deserve their own special mention as well.)
WHAT I HAVEN’T SEEN BUT INTEND TO: Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan (Director’s Cut) – William Shatner, Leonard Nimoy, Ricardo Montalban (Available on Blu-Ray and DVD June 7th)
Okay, so I have seen Star Trek II at least a dozen times but the prospect of a director’s cut has me excited (plus the cover art for the Blu-Ray is fantastic). Whether you’re a Star Trek fan or not, Wrath of Khan is an awesome piece of sci-fi and is worth your time. I’ll be doing a Star Trek film ranking sometime before Star Trek Beyond debuts in July so this is a great chance to catch up on the franchise if you haven’t already.
WHAT I’VE SEEN SO YOU DON’T HAVE TO: Trumbo (2015) – Bryan Cranston, Louis CK, Diane Lane (Available on Amazon Prime June 16th)
Look, I readily admit that Trumbo does not fall into the same category as last month’s selections in this spot (Gods of Egypt and Zoolander 2). Those moves are unbelievable disasters that should never have seen the light of day. Trumbo is of a higher quality than those films but that doesn’t mean it’s good. Every year, it seems like the industry (and in some places, the audience) falls into the trap of mistaking a movie with a good message for an actual good movie. That’s Trumbo. The story within Trumbo is of value and we all love Bryan Cranston (who is actually pretty good in this movie, just not “Oscar nominated good” in my mind) but that doesn’t mean that the execution on the message is any good AT ALL. Trumbo is basically a Lifetime movie that spends all of its time preaching at you through the medium of often uneven, sometimes downright cringe worthy performances.
June 7th – Hail, Caesar!, 13 Hours, Star Trek the Next Generation Complete Series, Rick and Morty Season 2, The Martian (Extended Edition), Roots Complete Series, Anomalisa
June 14th – 10 Cloverfield Lane, Eddie the Eagle, London Has Fallen, The X-Files: Event Series, Jaws 2, Jaws 3, Hello My Name is Doris, Star Trek The Complete Series, The Young Messiah
June 21st – My Big Fat Greek Wedding 2, The Brothers Grimsby, Embrace of the Serpent
June 28th – Kung Fu Panda 3, Whiskey Tango Foxtrot, Eye in the Sky, Dr. Strangelove Criterion Collection
NETFLIX – A Walk to Remember, Cold in July, Elizabeth: The Golden Age, J. Edgar, Jurassic Park, The Lost World, Jurassic Park 3, The Odd Couple II, Rock the Kasbah, The League Season 7, The Giver, Agents of SHIELD Season 3, Orange is the New Black Season 4, Grey’s Anatomy Season 12, Sin City: A Dame to Kill For
AMAZON – Apocalypse Now, The Black Stallion, Carrie, The Golden Child, The Good, the Bad and the Ugly, In & Out, Mulholland Falls, The Presidio, Runaway Bride, Syriana, W., Wayne’s World, Love & Mercy, Mr. Robot Season 1, Trumbo, The Good Wife Season 7