How to forgive someone who did not live up to your expectations whom you perceive to be the perpetrator of your unhappiness?
"I can’t forgive him; he did this, this, and was that, that and was not this and so the stories go on... He is dead but I can’t get rid of him, I want him to go away but the stories keep playing in my head and although I want to forgive him and let go of the resentment and anger, I don’t seem able to do so."
My client seems at her wits end, she shared that she has been constantly working on herself, asking her guides to help her get rid of him, but to no avail and feels stuck. I could feel her distress and I sure do not have all the answers, but I have overcome similar experiences, and helped many clients both male and female get clarity and I felt that maybe I could share my perspective:
“Perhaps your guides cannot help you because you are asking for the wrong thing, why do you want to get rid of him? He has been a major part of your life and has helped to shape who you are today; he will always be a part of you. What if instead you could learn to embrace the lessons this relationship has taught you and replace resentment with gratitude for all that you have learned?
Nobody is all bad or all good, you are simply focused on all the wrongs, and you are turning him into a monster. In doing so you are becoming the monster and destroying your own life. The creator and the creation are one! You always have the choice to leave when a relationship does not work but you chose to stay, there must have been a lot of good too.”
My client admitted that he was not all bad but did not live up to her expectation when it counted the most. I suggested that she makes a list of all the good and all the wrong she ascribed to him and asked her to look inside and ask herself where and how does she let herself down the way she perceived that he did.
"You cannot force someone to live up to your expectation, have you considered that maybe he simply could not be what you wanted him to be? I believe that we will never allow anyone to treat us any worse that we treat ourselves, that life is a mirror reflecting to us what is inside us. When we feel victimized by the action of another, we have disempowered ourselves by choosing to play the role of the martyr and blame the other for our unhappiness. In doing so we become the perpetrator of our own misery; the victim and the perpetrator are one!"
My client said: “There is no coincidence in life, I asked my guides for help and here you are; I needed to hear this you have given me much to work with, thank you.”
Indeed there are no coincidence, when we ask for help we always receive, it does not always come in the form we expect it but it is always for our highest good.
We all have free will and we choose our perspectives, attitudes, beliefs, but if we are not conscious of this, we fall victim to our lack of awareness. When we are not clear about our values, it is difficult to set boundaries and easy to blame others for stepping on our toes. We all have blind spots and sometimes we need someone to shine the light so we can see our way clearly.
Forgiveness is not an easy process it is a profoundly transformative healing journey, that demands that we reclaim ownership of our state of consciousness and assume full responsibility for our life, that we accept ourselves unconditionally so we may allow others to be who they are.
It starts with forgiveness of self which allows more love and compassion into our lives, it is vital to our happiness, success and peace of mind that we understand that the other does not create our wound but merely reveals our wounds to us, so we may heal.
We always have a choice on how we relate to circumstances. When we are ready to acknowledge that the enemy lives inside us and our part is to get to know and love the enemy, life becomes an exciting adventure. Every perceived “enemy” becomes our greatest teacher bearing the gift of self-discovery, but while we play the role of the victim life is full of hardships and drudgery. When we choose to step into the role of the conscious creator, we delight in looking for the gold nuggets under every stone we find on our path and become the hero of our story.
Until the source of our distress become conscious, we struggle to some degree or another letting go of anger, resentment, blaming or complaining. It is an unconscious habit that robs us of our energy, causes stress, dis-ease, lowers our vibrational frequency which hinders the flow of life and inhibits our joyful creative expression.
If you are struggling in your personal life or business and are not at ease with life and need support to:
Book your Coaching session,
- Make the unconscious conscious
- See things from another perspective
- Get clarity on your way forward
- Restore ease and flow in your life.
- Or if you are looking for an accountability partner who has your best interest at heart.
my coaching sessions include a 30-minute Crystal Light Therapy® to realign and harmonize your energy and raise your vibrational frequency. WhatsApp 083 334 6509 for your appointment
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Thank you for the opportunity to share with you,
May love light your way always